Rest

start:

Rest.
I've spent thee entire day outdoors til past dark again; - weed eating, mowing and tilling the garden, one of the corn patches,   and a new blackberry bed that I transplanted a whole mess of  canes to. ... Rest- it's  the perfect word to end this day with; after a long hot shower of course.  I don't think I've been this tuckered out since last Summer. 

To me; when I think of true rest;  ..... it's always after something stressful, or exerting.
Like hiking  to the near edge of a bluff near Mt Magazine  and sitting cross-legged looking out over the Ozarks.  I'm breathing hard by this point and find a perfect boulder to perch on.   There's  so much air to breathe deep... and it all makes me remember just how big my God is.... that's rest.  Right in Him. 

stop.

What Momma Did

Go:

Momma was a cheerleader for the Claremont Honkers.  She  was a little bitty thing; yet... still  the strongest woman I ever knew.
She liked to buy second hand clothes with  purses and shoes that matched in  wild colors like kelly green, sun yellow and bright- hot pink.   She believed in lipstick,  and rouge and used to curl  her hair with bobby pins and dippity do. She took up sewing  and started making  her own slinky slips with pretty lace trims.  She even made me a hot pink polyester pant suit once to wear to the St John's Catholic church. In her own beautiful way she was a Fashionista... even matching bandanas to her outfits after the chemo took her pretty white hair.
She was  born again and re-baptised. 
Going to church became  one of her favorite things to do.
She worshipped God with both arms up and shook her fists while her charm bracelet chinkeled like a tambourine.
.....In three more days; six long years ago... she got her final wish-
she went "home."


stop.

Again...

GO:

It happened again just last night.
I'm sick of it really and it makes me wake up tired .. still.
It wasn't there when I crawled in...
fear.
 Did it wake me totally?  I'm not sure.
But it keeps happening over and over again.
Those dreaded what if''s.  
My greatest fears creep in after I close my eyes and the light goes black.
I roll over... semi-conscious... trying to shake it off and pray it off.
Sometimes outloud.  
In the morning when day breaks and the light returns... the worries lift and 
I know I have nothing to fear.

STOP.