Have Mercy

Greetings and Holykisses,

I kind of hesitate to show you my journal today... because sometimes life lessons are hard. But for whatever reason; I know I'm suppose to share the past few hours here at the Shabby Olde Potting Shed.

While I splashed and dribbled paint, and traced around my hand last night, .... I meditated on words God brought to my mind:

Mercy
Grace
Humility
Surrender
and "Yes LORD."

I traced my hand on two pages, and as I did so, I kept thinking about how we're to be the hands and feet of Christ. Funny; because earlier in the afternoon, as I walked around the pasture; I found myself praying... "Lord, what would you have me to do for you?" How can "i" make a difference? me? As I prayed and walked... I had no great revelation... nor did ideas pop into my head or heart. My mind then started to think of other women I know ... you know; those gals who really make an impact in the world. Then it hit me... But I'm not those other ladies; I'm Leaon. And that comparison game... can really drag you down. Besides; God made us all for specific purposes. --and we all have our own sphere of influence. Realizing I was trodding dangerous ground by comparing myself with others, I switched gears. Reaching for my Ipod; my walk was finished with Praise music instead.

---

This morning I awoke early. It was time to get into the Word. There's nothing like that first jolt of sweet, creamy caffeine... along with some morning BREAD.
Opening my bible ... I read about mercy:

"Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy." Matthew 5:7

Mercy.
Most of us know a particular story in the book of Luke. It begins in chapter 10:vs30
A man who was traveling fell among thieves who stripped him, beat him and left him for dead.
The word says, "And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. "31
"And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side." 32 "But a certain Samaritan as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,"33

~compassion~

This Samaritan went to him. He bound his wounds, poured in oil and wine, put him on his own beast and brought him to the inn and bid thee inn-keeper to take care of him; paying the bill. "Take care of him," he instructed with a promise to come again, and if more money was owed at that time, he would pay that as well.

Opening my journal again... brought the message home.
Yesterday morning, I was one of the religious people once again who seeing a man in need; ... passed by to the other side. And I didn't just do this only yesterday, but I've probably done this with this particular person at least 10 other times before. I don't know his name or anything about him. To be honest, I've seen him as a-bit strange. Why, I don't even know?

I've seen him the most at the grocery store. He's probably 10 years my elder. Maybe that's why I have looked away in passing? Because he's a guy; I wouldn't want to come across as over friendly if ya know what I mean. But we've made eye contact before- direct eye contact: I vividly remember. I think it was after that one direct encounter that I've started turning away? I can't really explain it? But I feel so bad. I've noticed when he buys groceries, that his cart is pretty empty; as if he was buying groceries for one. Good grief... looking back, I realize how much about him I really did notice, and yet chose to directly un-notice him.

And by chance, I came upon him once again at the hospital yesterday. I gave the receptionist my yellow registration paper to check in for my mammogram. She took my name and told me to take a seat. It's a large lobby with many chairs. I chose the little loveseat chairs. That's what I call them, because they're two chairs that are connected. I tossed my purse on the other chair and pulled out my Max Lucado book "Traveling Light." I opened to page 74, and began reading: "Pretty soon we start praying like the fellow at the religious caucus "God, I thank you that the world has people like me. The man on the corner needs welfare--I don't. The prostitute on the street has Aids--I don't. The drunk at the bar needs alcohol--I don't. The gay caucus needs morality--I don't. I thank you that the world has people like me." Fortunately there was a man at the meeting who had deflected all applause. Too contrite even to look to the skies, he bowed and prayed, "God have mercy on me a sinner."

Somewhere in this reading, I glanced up and there he was. The "strange" man I'd seen before at the grocery store. The older man who buys food for one. He had a yellow paper just like mine to hand to the woman behind the desk. He too was there for a test. Another older man was with him, and he'd went and sat down . I tried to keep reading my book, but I was really busy un-noticing the man. He checked in, and without my looking at him, I unnoticed him walk past me, and then he sat down right next to my loveseat chairs. I could have smiled,.... said hello, or even nodded. But I chose to keep my head down. And I realize in writing this now, that although Max didn't say it in his book; my own story could read: " the person sitting next to me is strange, ... but I'm not."

Leeeeann!... the woman called, as she pronounced my name incorrectly.
I was directed through a set of doors to desk 3. This is where you sign in and give your insurance card. I heard the door open again, and the strange man was now at desk 2 getting himself checked in. I could hear them talking and he was there for a colonoscopy. My heart went out to him, immediately when I heard that, knowing from experience what a lousy night he must have put in the evening before drinking the gag-me prep. He was asked for the phone number of a friend or relative that they could call in case of an emergency. He stammered.... with a "No," ... and said he didn't really have anyone to put down. The lady then asked if someone came with him because he wouldn't be able to drive home after his procedure and wondered if she could put them down for the contact number. He reassured her that someone did come with him, but said he didn't want them listed as a contact. -- About that time, my own paperwork was finished and I was pointed to Radiology. I walked past the strange man; again, ..un-noticing. As I followed the arrows to Radiology I thought about him being so alone, and then........I forgot about him.
Until today.

Today, is a new day.
And I'm hoping and praying to get another chance.
God have mercy on me a sinner.
To be the hands and feet of Christ, I can't go on un-noticing.

Loving your neighbor is impossible when you pass them by.

For some reason this person's path and mine have continued to cross.
And I know my judgement of him has kept me from being anything but the hands and feet of Christ.
So I'm repenting and praying for another chance.
Give me eyes to see people
the way YOU see them God.

This blogpost was ended and I drafted it. I'm not sure if it was because of pride, ... timing... or a little of both but nonetheless I clicked draft and headed to town.

Finishing up a my errands; I headed into the store to grab a few groceries.
Turning the corner by the Pharmacy I saw a man in line who looked so much like the dude I was just telling you about. But it couldn't be.* Naaaawww..... -- I went about my business, and grabbed a tube of Crest with Scope and when I came back by, this same man was now turned around. Indeed ... it was him. -- Guess how I reacted?................. I looked away. I'm not kidding you. I didn't smile, or acknowledged him again in any way and he looked right at me and I know he recognized me. I could tell! When I turned around a different isle I seriously wanted to smack myself upside the head. I know with everything in me this person must think I am the strangest? woman on the planet

So I started to pray right there behind Jewelry, "Lord I'm sorry! What is my problem? God, if you give me another shot at this I will give him a genuine smile and I will speak... I really will! -- Before I left the store, my opportunity once again circled! There he was.... just a few feet from me and when he looked into my eyes, I smiled. A real, from the heart, smile... and in passing, I asked him how he was. He said he was doing okay and asked me how I was as well.* It was a brief encounter, but somehow I know the meaning of it all taught me a valuable lesson. This entire story, .... about two strange people sharing a smile and a "how- do- you do" had purpose, and was another step forward in faith.

Lord have mercy.
On me-
A sinner.