Sunday, May 10, 2009

Feeling A Little BitterSweet On Mother's Day

Greetings, Holykisses, and Happy Mother's day!

For the last two days, I've either had the flu or a case of food poisoning. We went out to eat thee other night and I had chicken strips, curly fries and then we stopped at the snow cone stand to have our first of the season. I tell you, if I ever see chicken strips, curly fries, or a strawberry cheesecake snowcone ever again, it'll be too soon. I woke up in the middle of the night throwing up, and haven't felt that bad ever since I got sick in Cancun.

In case I'm contagious, we're staying home from church today. I'm still achy and queasy and would not want to share this with anyone else if it is the flu. (yuck) I stayed in bed all day yesterday, and last night. I got up early this morning for more tylenol and read the Word awhile. This day, still leaves me feeling rather bittersweet because I miss my Angelmother. You can read about her first here, and then here.

Time and tears has made things some-better. And although I know she's in heaven and I will see her again... I still have moments where I still feel awful sorry for myself. Especially when all my friends are off doing things with their own Mothers. I really, really miss that, and can't help feeling alone. Because my Mom lived across the pasture, just 5 acres away, she was very much "my day." We did a lot together. She was more than my Momma, she was my dearest friend.

With Mother's day approaching, grief has returned once again; when and where I'd least expect it. I went to Hobby Lobby this week, looking for the perfect flowers to put on her grave, and it hit me again right there in the store. (Hobby Lobby was "our" store. Thee only place she'd let me push her in a wheelchair because she wanted to go inside so badly and was too weak to walk around.) There I stood, aching for her in the floral section, with two mascara rivers flowing down both cheeks. Not pretty.

Trying to gain composure, and walking thee isles I found this dragonfly. It was like a hug and bandaid for my bleeding heart. Today it's on her grave. Funny how dragonflies seem to come outta nowhere, right when I need them the very most.

The very SWEET part of this day, is found in the blessing that God gave me two incredible sons and a beautiful daughter in love. My focus goes to them today, even when I cry on the inside. I pray with all my heart that I live my life in such a way, and show them the love they deserve that one day they'll think of me as I do my own angel Mother. ~As I hug my own kids today, I'll remember her, and keep reminding them to keep their eyes on God, while teaching them how to love.... with all of their heart.

Dragonfly kisses Momma....
~Til we meet again~


Angela said...

What a heart felt post,,the song that was playing also made me all teary eyed...(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Tracy said...

Precious Lea, you sweet thing. I'm so sorry you're sick. You were on my mind off and on all day yesterday as I spent time with my Momma. It was a constant reminder to me to savor every moment and I did. I don't think we've ever hugged more in a day than yesterday. (Thank you.)

I'm praying you feel better soon and that you can enjoy this day with your kids. I pray the Lord eases the ache for your Angelmomma and replaces it with His joy.

I love you.

LisaShaw said...

Dear heart I started crying with you as I read this as I deeply miss my Grandma for all the same reasons. They mean so much to us don't they?! May God's arms rest around you this day and bring healing and comfort to you. I love you.

Chatty Kelly said...

So sorry for your loss Lea. I hope today will be filled with BEAUTIFUL memories of your mom, and the love of your sons for you.

From the Heart said...

Lea, I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well. I will put you on my prayer list. You must have had a very special mother. I had a good mother but we never had a very close relationship even though we built right behind her and my dad. I was an only child and I know she loved me and I loved her but she went through so much before she died that God gave me peace because I knew she had reached the place she had prayed for so long. The last few years of her life she did not know me. She had a stroke that affected her memory and then she just had more and more strokes and became less of the person I knew. At the last it was hard to let her go but I could not stand the state she was in and if she could not return as the person I grew up with then I had to let her go. She's was a godly woman and I always compared her to Paul, she had run her race, finished her course and was ready to go. I sat beside her bedside after the last stroke and told her it was okay for her to go, she was in the arms of Jesus, the place she longed for. She was in a coma I think but I saw a tear run out of her eye so I knew she heard me. I've been told the hearing is the last to go. She was 89 years old so she had lived far beyond her promise. One day I will see her again and everything will be perfect.

God be with you today and continue loving on your children. My oldest daughter could not come home because of work, but my youngest daughter is coming up later today. They sent me some roses last Thursday with a sweet note. I will post some pictures of them soon.

Get better, my sweet, Lea, I miss you.
From my heart to yours,

Yolanda said...

Lea, I got hit this morning in church. The pastor shared that a good friend of his called early this morning to share that at 4:30 his Mom had gone home to be with the Lord. And that our Pastor's Mom is still living, 200 miles from him and it's been awhile. Oh, what I would give to be able to drive 200 miles to see my Mom.

Lord, Give my MOMMA an extra hug today as I know she is healed and whole with You. Mom, I love you more than I ever showed you or told you and I'm thankful that you can see that from above. Love, Yolanda

Sissy, I know in my own way how you are feeling. If I was closer, I'd come with a cup of broth and we could just simply bask in His love.

Lovingly, Yolanda

godsown said...

Oh Lea i prayed that you would be wrapped up and distracted by the love of your family and feel the Lord close to you...
Get well soon my friend...

BTW you know how anxiouse i get everytime i check my post......LOL

Joyfulsister said...

HI Sis..
((Hugz))) Happy Mother's Day" What you have written makes those of us who still have our Mom's here with us just appreciate them even more. I am so sorry to hear about you not feeling well and praying you feel well soon. I wish you all things beautiful all things well.

Luv ya Lorie

From the Heart said...

Please come to my blog tomorrow. I have a surprize for you.
From my heart to yours,

Denise said...

This went straight to my heart dear one, I have been feeling those same feelings. I wish I could be there to give you huge hugs. I love you more than you know, praying for you to feel better very soon.

Debra said...

My sweet sister,

Your words were so heartfelt! I know your angel Mama is looking at that dragonfly with such joy!

I love you my friend...I'm sorry for the temporary ache and can't wait until you feel the joy of her arms wrapped around you again!

Blessings to you this day!

The Patterson 5 said...

Oh Lea, My heart aches for you as you miss your Moma, on Mothers day and on Every day... as she lives on in your memories every day bringing smiles and sometimes tears from missing her so much I'm glad you have the comfort of knowing she is with Jesus!
Lots of hugs for you,

Farm Chick Paula said...

Oh, my dear sweet Lea... I feel your pain. Friday was mine and my Mother's "Day Out", and I do the same thing sometimes when I'm in a store by myself...*sigh*...
I'm sending a big hug and kiss on the cheek for you...