Saturday, July 4, 2020

I Got You

Documenting these days:  
Waking up on this Independence day... 
Only one corgi lays on a pillow on my side of the bed.  
And I remember then... Addie is now gone.  
I lean down and pat Francois... he wakes up and he too starts realizing
he is alone.  We walk to the green door to go potty... and letting him out 
he just stands there... 
Today I'm not coaxing Addie to get up and make it out the door.
He's not waiting for her to catch up.  But he's alone.. 
So I walk out with him and talk to him while he does his business.
Everything is different today.

The past few days, my words... "It's okay ... I got you," became a staple.  
Helping her get around... often carrying her or helping her up and down steps.  
And yesterday... holding her tight waiting.  
It's okay Addie... I got you.    

 I realize today... through puffy eyes and stinging tears that 
so much of life is just like that.... being held ... 
and loving others with it's okay and I got you's.  
Those are the action words of  love and mercy.  Helping in the hard times.  
The painful times.  The scary times.  
And when it's you who's  the one hearing them... 
then it's grace.  
When it's been "my own"  bare naked need... 
Hearing It's okay... I got you ... 
: gift.
  

This is our last photo together.  
I held her all the way to the Vet's and  
then I carried her in.  
I held onto her  ... and stayed.  
Just as she stayed with me for 13 years.
So many highs and lows.  
We had eachother.  

I'm still crying but ...
in it all I am thankful for 
so much love and companionship.  
She was the most loyal furryfriend I ever had.  
Rip Addie... 
I got you.  


6 comments:

Debbie Nolan said...

Oh friend I am crying as I read this post. I so understand how much you are grieving. I had a special one of a lifetime dog several years ago. I still miss him even though I have two special shepherds and love them both very much. I know I will never have another like him. Take care - hugs!

Jean said...

Dear friend. my heart is aching and tears stinging too. Love is wonderful but oh how it hurts so bad.

Take good care and be kind to yourself.

Love you dear heart. xoxo

Leaon Mary said...

Thank you Debbie... this void is just awful and I forgot how your stomach literally aches when you grieve a loss. Tears just come still at the dangest times. That you decided to get two shepherds after you lost your beloved dog earlier gives me hope that maybe I will feel like it again sometime. When Francois passes away I can't quite imagine getting another at this point but then again... I am alone so much that I can't imagine not having a dog? I hope in time I can feel the same way too. Thank you for sharing my tears it really means alot. Lea

Leaon Mary said...

Thank you Jean... you just don't know how much you've helped ... thank you sooo much. I thought of your Fergus... and man it's hard to lose a beloved isnt it? Francois is acting so indifferent I'm kinda worried about him. At times he won't come with me... yesterday I was going out the door and normally they both would just go everywhere with me. He stood in the doorway and stayed inside with MIKE! He's never ever done that before. He's eating less too. He acts far away sometimes. I hope he'll perk up soon. Thank you for helping me through this... Love lea

Debra said...

Oh my dear friend. I am crying too. That loss is gut wrenching-it's so awful in its hugeness-it feels like you are lost in some dark woods, or adrift with nothing to hold onto. Tears do help-buckets of them.
I lost my Titus last September, now I just have one goose, Sam. And she's acting like your Francois is acting. I worry about Sam because she wants to lay on a nest, even though she is past egg laying time. She only wants to stay inside in her night time place, and make her nest. I have to make her go out. I hold her and kiss her and she'll sleep on my lap. But I can see that feeling she is feeling-I can see it on her face and in her eyes.
There is a wonderful healing power in tears. God gave them to us for a reason. When words fail, tears speak.
I love you.

Leaon Mary said...

Oh Debra I'm sorry about Titus. I know you understand fully... and yes too about seeing it in their faces... like looking into Sam's eyes... and their whole countenance is different. I think other people would probably see them and not think much about it but you can... because you know them... the cycle of life is sure hard. Love ya too friend... give that special goose a sweet pat for me.