This morning I finished writing in the very last page of this journal.
It felt so ...bitter...
As I flipped it over and opened it ...I read:
I hope you enjoy this journal for many years to come and think of me
when you see it." -- there was more, but I'm keeping the rest hidden.
It was signed,
I love you forever,
The date: February 20, 2010
So much life is recorded in this book.
Almost three years worth.
Hopes, dreams, trials,
discouragements, ... lessons...
some anger... and a whole bunch of love.
Then I opened this one.
I got it for Christmas from Tony and Shell last year.
It's been waiting all this time for today.
I sat for awhile just looking at it...
Mostly; about things I'd love to see come to be.
Then I started remembering....
A few years back I felt stuck about something that
weighed heavy on me. Literally.
I'd been up and down with weight my whole life.
The older I got... the more I kinda gave up on it...
-- maybe I was giving in more like?
I don't know; but I felt miserable inside.
I remember Myguy and I jumped in the truck to go somewhere.
He likes when I sit right next to him, and climbing in beside him,
I put my seatbelt on. I remember so vividly him putting his arm around me
and pulling me close ... tight. His hand kinda fell down... resting right on...
you guessed it:
my muffin top.
Okay so I know... we're married and he's seen it all but
I still just hated that feeling of his hand on my
spillage that was poppin
outta my Mom jeans.
That moment.... of
being mortified... stayed all over me.
I don't know how much time went by... not much;
but I wrote about it in my journal.
Then; at the top of a page I wrote...
If it were Possible....
and I just wrote my heart out; baring my soul.
When finished; .... I wrote this:
"With God all things are possible."
I believe I wrote it out as Matthew 19:26
From then on... I started to believe it; and prayerfully
did what I felt God telling me was my part.
My first blank of course was
to lose my extra weight.
I found a healthy weight chart online,
and decided how much I wanted to weigh. -- Where I felt my best.
Then; every morning
I stepped on that scale, and
wrote my weight in the upper right corner of each journal entry,
with diet and kept track of everything I did that day for exercise.
Mowing grass, tilling the garden... everything!
I'll be honest I hate exercise, but love to walk, and I'm fortunate to have alot of pasture.
I walked miles and miles and miles; counting every calorie I put in my mouth
and recorded everything
in a composition notebook.
And to God be the glory... the weight came off.
And every day I stepped on the scale,
I would say thank you God.
Because I knew He really was helping me.
I still keep track pretty close.
I had one person in particular telling me she thought I shouldn't weigh
every day. She said it's better to weigh once a week.
But that just never worked for me. It gave me too much
freedom to over eat one day and try to compensate for it the next
knowing I didn't have to weigh for a whole week.
Please understand; I'm not telling anyone what to do... I'm NO dietician
-- I'm just plain olde Lea sharing something that helped me.
And the truth that with Him
and more truth that
I can do ALL things through
Him who strengthens
Today, how all this started in the first place,
has come back around.
This morning, sitting with my new journal,
I wrote the same headline at the top of the page.
If it were Possible,
I think I filled four new pages.
Praise God; weight wasn't really on there this year,
other than to maintain it and
take care of the body God gave me.
But there are plenty of other things
I'm believing Him to help me with.
While I sat writing al this in my new journal something occurred to me:
I jumped up and ran for a special pen.
My friend sent it to me around Christmas in a beautiful wooden box.
She told me I could use it for my writing.
Can you read it?
I hadn't realized that it says
exactly what I was thinking this morning...
that with God all things are possible.
.... I felt God bumps.
I share this today... because maybe someone else
needs to be encouraged.
Maybe it's not your weight like it was for me...
but something else?
God cares and ALL things
really are possible
Here's my new list here.
and in no particular order:
......... If it were possible God, I would:
..... trust you to share my journey in writing without crossing everything out, backspacing, deleting,
and tearing out.
... stay focused... on you God not me or others.
And put you first.
.... forgive myself when I fail.
... Be a better helpmeet to Myguy; always building him up.
..... grow stronger relationships.
....stop caring too much what people think of me and get okay with the fact that not everyone has to like me.
.....learn to see and love others like you do God.
....Understand the bible more... and read it through again.
....improve in writing skills and find my groove in You.
....keep growing UP.
.... plant and grow flowers I've never even seen before. (happysigh)
.... learn to fearlessly express myself in my Art journal and learn to create beautiful collage in Christ.
....Slow time down by counting my blessings every day and give you thanks.
..... Find a church home.... wherever you want us to be.
...take better care of my temple and drink more water.
......memorize more of your word.
.... be less vain about my hair and skin and learn to really laugh at the days to come.
.....go to Israel and get re-baptised in the river Jordan.
.....learn to always think before I blurt.
..... Give grace instead of being a judge and jury.
.....love more and more and more.
So that's my start.
New heart desires
surrendered to the God
who can make all things
How about you?
If it were possible... what would you .... do or change or dream to see
differently... or learn?
Because it really